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Inter-generational power plays

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I caught up with my buddy Rod H to talk about how he’s survived abuse and is now embracing his sexual identity as a Daddy. Rod has to remain anonymous for this interview due to the nature of his work.

What was your first experience of an inter-generational relationship?

As a six year old with an uncle — it wasn’t my idea. A doctor, a teacher, and a guy from church followed over the years.

By the time testosterone arrived at 12 or 13, I was years in front of my own age group, who by and larger were still floundering and scared but keen.

I used my advantage to seduce maybe half of my form over three years. I enjoyed being a guy’s first encounter. It was an all-boy boarding school — a veritable smorgasbord.

I was very sexually active at an early age. Boys always spread around the information that I was gay, so I didn’t have to always explain myself. I wasn’t always popular with parents — some were suspicious about the extra curricular activities their son was involved in. But I was sharp in tongue — part of a necessary arsenal to protect myself from criticism.

My parents walked in on me having sex with two boys. My mother said it was disgusting, as I was exploring their holes with my tongue. I replied it wasn’t disgusting from my angle. There’s a temporary loss of erection when a parent disturbs you, but only temporary.

You describe yourself as having been a ‘disposable teen’ — what do you mean by that?

In the porn industry, we were always a ‘use-by’ commodity. People want new faces all the time — that’s the nature of porn. To last 15 years was extraordinary, but you had to do whatever they asked.

Porn seemed a great industry to work in from 16 years of age. I truly believed that was what destiny had in store for me. It certainly seemed that way. I always joked that I had an invisible tattoo on my forehead saying — “Come fuck me” — as it just kept happening.

There was another boy at school that I was in the same class as, he asked me to join him in selling ourselves in the saunas and bathhouses that were plentiful in pre-AIDS days. We always wore our school uniform, as that drove the old men crazy. They would literally throw money at us when we walked in. It was wonderful.

I’d always been aware that I could get an erection from anything. I wondered whether money would. It sure did. My mother wondered why I always had huge amounts of money, so I told her what I was doing. She advised me that to sell myself meant that I had sold the right to choice. I never thought I had the right of choice. I thought I was meant to be a commodity, so I accepted fucking of any sort. I was definitely enjoying it.

At that age, I never made it to double figures in one day — in terms of the number of fucks I had — but I often got to nine. I’d be so sore by then, my balls felt like they’d explode. But I’d been well-trained. All it took was someone, anyone, to rim my ass and I’d have another load ready. A trick that still works.

Porn was a natural progression. I’d been photographed, so to make movies seemed the next thing. I went to San Francisco at 17, and started work almost immediately. I loved porn because the guys were young, buff, and great looking. But they were often rough — particularly in America — feeling that they had to fuck me to oblivion to impress. I was so turned on by it all, that it didn’t really matter. I was happy to fuck the crew as well.

I then went to Europe. I particularly loved Czech men, and Ukrainians — still the hottest men on the planet, in my view — although any good-looker has me hard and ready. European film makers were much more into fantasy — uniforms and the like — and real love making scenes with narrative, beyond just being fucked. I loved it so much, I stayed for years.

I didn’t make films all the time. But often enough to live comfortably. Germans drove me wild too, and they were great scene-partners — sexually insatiable, like me.

I’m still friends with a few guys from that period of my life. We shared something unique. We’re friends, and all happily ex-sluts.

Photo by Corey Motta on Unsplash

When you were younger, what was it about older guys that you found attractive?

At six, I hated it. I couldn’t even find the words to say what had happened to me. I just stood in the lounge room, dumbfounded. I made a vow then that I’d never take a child, and I never have. Although the church uses this as an excuse to keep the cycle going, I chose not to.

But, as I got into late teens and twenties, I found that older men knew exactly what to do to make me feel great. Over and over and over.

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I found attractive older men to be the hottest guys I could be with — they knew exactly what to do and say to have me constantly hard. Nothing beats experience and the loss of any hangups, that happens with age. They taught me all the tricks, all the positions, and things like loving swallowing cum and rimming butt.

Did you ever felt taken advantage of as a result of the inter-generational power dynamic?

As a six year old through till about 14, absolutely. It’s not much else in reality. An abuse of trust and power.

But something kicks in with the onset of testosterone. I found that by the age of 14, I knew if someone was checking me out. So, I played up to it.

There was one teacher at school who obviously had the hots for me. But he had a keen sense of keeping his career. So, I would make sure that he always got to see me with an erection in my uniform, and that he checked my ass out in uniform and sports shorts. I kept sleazing up to him, saying that I really wanted to feel him inside me. To watch him disappear in me. I’d drop books or anything in front of him, and slowly pick them up, wiggling my ass and asking him to fuck me — “C’mon Sir, you know you want it…” I would say every day. He gave in one day when I was just about 15. I asked him to take me home to his place so that we could fuck. He agreed. When we got there, I let him know I was serious by kissing him and rubbing his erection through his suit trousers. I begged him to fuck me outside on the balcony. Told him how hot it would be. He was extremely reluctant, but finally agreed. I had arranged with about 15 boys from school to hide in the bushes opposite his balcony. They were the witnesses. One giggled out loud as we were into it. The teacher heard. He knew his time was up.

Sadly, he was probably the nicest adult that I’d had sex with to that time in my life. He didn’t actually abuse me, I abused him. He was devastated, and asked why I’d done this to him. I just shrugged my shoulders and explained it was payback-for-adults day. As a man, now much older than he was, I truly regret this. However, at the time, I wanted vengeance, and I got it. We reported him. He committed suicide within days. I wonder whether karma has paid me back yet. I would love it to have been different for him. He was pretty well innocent. The darkness had already dictated to me. I really wanted to get my uncle and the family doctor, but didn’t. Life has casualties.

As you got older, when did you start to realise that younger guys were seeing you as a Daddy figure?

It only really became a conscious thing over the past seven to ten years. Until then, sex was sex. If the person was ten years younger, it wasn’t such a big deal — they were still well and truly knowing adults.

At first, when I realised that much younger guys were actively hitting on me, I felt old. I started thinking I was old enough to be their dads, and for the lower 20s bracket, just about their grandfather. Intellectually, that’s phenomenal. Physically, it’s awesome.

Like the adult partners I’d had when I was growing up, I know what they’ll respond to sexually, how to talk filthy dirty to them, and keep building their tension. I’m not scared by sex. Youth responds to that big time. I love to hear guys whimper for sex. So fucking hot.

Do you now find younger guys attractive?

I still find anyone good looking and in great shape attractive sexually. But, I definitely find younger men absolutely a total turn-on. I love the firmness of their bodies. I love their keenness to experiment. I love the insatiable nature of finding great mind-blowing sex, rather than just good, satisfying sex.

I find having the power-dynamic weighted in my favour a turn on. I like being the best fuck that they’ve ever had. I like teaching what I was taught. I love watching their eyes roll in ecstasy. I particularly love an erection that never subsides in my company.

But, I’m also aware that it’s not often more than just sex. It’s not going to be a long-term relationship. But, it can be great for years. It’s hard for anyone to move on from a brilliant sex partner. I was the same.

Is Daddy/Son porn something that fuels your fantasies?

I hadn’t watched any daddy/son porn until I found myself well and truly involved. Although when I was young, making daddy/son films was always hot.

What’s your ultimate Daddy/Son fantasy?

I don’t know whether I have an ‘ultimate’ fantasy. I just hope to remain attractive to someone that I’m attracted to, if that makes sense.

Photo by rex tavanh on Unsplash

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Fitness

Meet the vegan body-builder

Alexander Kosztowny is building mass without harm.

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Alexander Kosztowny (image supplied)
Alexander Kosztowny (image supplied)

I caught up with aspiring bodybuilder Alexander Kosztowny to talk fitness, food, and life as a vegan body-builder.

Were you into sports at school?

No. Growing up, I was a heavy-set kid, and not very active at all. In school, I was very academic, and focused mainly on my studies rather than athletics. I didn’t dread gym class, and always worked hard and enjoyed certain sports like tennis and volleyball, but the lack of variety of activities in gym class limited my view on the variety of types of activities out there. If I’d tried a weight lifting class, or yoga, or karate, my attitude may have changed earlier in life. My sister was always active, but I come from a family who are not very big on physical activity or sports. Of course, like most, I wish I’d started earlier, but better late than never.

Can you remember what your first experience of a gym was?

I lost a lot of weight in high school with the onset of puberty, and with the gaining knowledge of nutrition, portion control, and cardiovascular activity. When I went to college, I found myself putting a lot of the weight back on, and knew I had to prevent that. I joined a gym, and hired a personal trainer for the first time to help me get back on track.

I absolutely fell in love with pumping iron. I was able to coordinate working out into being a part of my schedule, as opposed to limiting it only to ‘when I have time’ and having a trainer not only motivated me and taught me technique, but also kept me accountable for my actions. He helped me with adding strength while paying attention to form, and meal planning, The excess weight fell off, and I became addicted.

Now I’m in the gym every day, pushing my body and transforming both my health, my appearance, and my outlook.

When did you decide to get serious about your fitness and bodybuilding?

About four years ago. But I’ve only been super-serious for about a year, and I’ve only been extremely strict in terms of diet for about six months. I’m still a beginner.

What’s your aspiration as a bodybuilder?

To get huge. That’s it.

As someone who’s plant-based, I’d also like to show others what’s possible on a non-traditional diet. That there are other forms of nutrition and protein, and you can build muscle, look great, and have tons of energy without harm.

What’s the difference between your body as it is now and the way that you want your body to look?

I’d still call my self thick or chubby-muscular. The interesting thing about bodybuilding is that there never really is an end goal. You just lift and grow bigger and you’re never quite big or strong enough. I’m just trying to push myself as far as I possibly can. It’s exciting to see the changes you can make that way.

What’s your work-out regime like?

I’m in the gym six or seven times a week. This seems excessive to some people, and I know others who only go three or four times a week, and that works for them. For me, the gym is therapeutic and a stress reliever, as well as a hobby.

I usually spend about one hour doing weight lifting — machines and free weights — and then I wrap up with about 35 minutes of cardio. I focus on one body part per day. It’s a traditional bodybuilding split, so muscles have a chance to rest. This routine works for me — I know some people have luck doing high-intensity, full body workouts, but I like the focus of working each muscle group in isolation.

Do you have a work-out buddy?

Not currently, but I’ve always enjoyed it when I do. It really is vital for really heavy spotting, and the dependability is nice if they’re as motivated as you. If anyone is in Los Angeles and wants to train with me, hit me up!

How important is controlling your diet?

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Controlling diet is extremely important. It makes or breaks your progress in the gym. if you lift but don’t eat right, you won’t get anywhere. I’ve seen this happen both for myself and others. When I finally got on the right meal plan, the results happened in no time at all — abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym.

I eat about five times a day, and I’m plant-based, just like Tom Brady. My diet consists of lots of legumes, lentils, tofu, peas, broccoli, peanut butter, protein shakes, and other natural, nutrient-rich foods that contain protein without resorting to animal products.

Besides the ethical and environmental sides of going vegan, I find I have more energy, need less time to recover, and am less sore, as well as having clearer skin. I count my macros — calories, carbs, proteins, and fats — and eat the same foods every day to stay on track. I’ve pretty much eliminated bread, gluten, alcohol, refined sugars, and beverages besides water from my diet, except for special occasions. I’m super-strict, but do let myself enjoy food.

Are your friends and family supportive of your bodybuilding aspirations?

For the most part. They’re always impressed at my progress and dedication, but I need a lot of willpower when I have a family who loves to cook, bake, and tempt me with treats. That’s why having a partner or workout buddy who is on a similar plan is helpful, if you’re lucky enough to find one. It keeps you on track.

Are you competing?

Nope, and no plans to either. But that may change as I grow bigger.

What are some of your priorities for the months ahead?

I’m currently in the best shape I’ve ever been in, so I want to just keep on progressing. It’s a slow process, and takes a lot of time, so you have to be patient.

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