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Mind

“I’m graysexual.”

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Following an article that we published about Daddy/Son role-plays and age-gap relationships, Emad contacted me to share his story.

“I’m 30, and the guys that I’ve been with recently have been 51, 54, and 61. It was just intimacy, not full-on sex.”

“I realised about five years ago that I’m graysexual. That means that I sometimes feel sexual desire, but generally don’t. I’m not totally asexual, but I’m somewhere on that spectrum.”

“I don’t date. I find sex uncomfortable, I’ve never been able to make it to the end.”

“The 51-year-old guy was the only guy that I’ve felt comfortable when he touched my penis. Older guys are generally very caring, and try to make me feel as comfortable as possible.”

“I know another man who’s interested in men — he’s 60. We haven’t done anything yet. He’s in an open-marriage with a man his age.”

“When I was growing up, I always admired older men. But I’ve also been interested in guys my age.”

“I usually feel attracted to men who are chubby-bears, whose bodies are the complete opposite to mine. Sam Stanley and Laurence Hicks are an example of the kind of relationship that I’d like, but I’m not sporty or muscular.”

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Life

How To Be Confident

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Photo by WillSpirit SBLN on Unsplash
Photo by WillSpirit SBLN on Unsplash

How confident do you feel when you walk into a club? Are you struggling to present your ideas in the big office meeting? Do you find yourself going with what other people want the majority of the time? Do you avoid speaking to people that you find attractive? Do you find yourself feeling as if life is passing you by because you lack the confidence to take risks? If you have answered “yes” to one of these questions, you probably have room to improve your self-esteem. Self-esteem is one of my areas of expertise and in this article, I will teach you some of my best tips for improving your self-esteem.

My Top 5 Tips for Self-Esteem

Think Positive: Your mind does what you tell it to. If you tell your mind something enough it starts to believe it, regardless if it is negative or positive. Paying attention to the negative words and images you think about will help you to identify where the confidence issues are coming from. Stop saying negative things about yourself, you can’t afford this type of negativity. You need to start saying positive things about what you can do and who you are.

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I am Enough: This phrase should be your new best friend. Many of the mental health problems that people suffer from come from the belief “I am not good enough.” Obviously, if you walk around with this belief all day you won’t feel confident. From now on, start saying “I am enough” several times each day, every day, out loud. This new habit will work wonders for you.

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Positive Affirmations: They are often cliché, but they work! I have my clients put positive affirmations on their phones, computer screens and mirrors in their homes. Seeing positive words about yourself and your goals does make a difference. Reading them and staying them out loud will allow them to work for you. Remember, like any other tool, they only do their job when you use them. Be careful about the words you use in the affirmations, ensure that you are not using any words that you have a negative association with.

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Loving choices: Your daily choices help to influence your self-esteem. Be honest about your choices and ask yourself the following question: “Does this choice show that I love myself or the opposite?” Smoking, staying in a job you hate, not exercising or eating rubbish are examples of choices that show a lack of self-love and respect. When you make an unloving choice, you say to yourself “I don’t deserve to feel good about myself.” This must stop in order for you to have the confidence you desire. Make loving choices!

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Be a cheerleader: Growing up in America I saw cheerleaders almost daily. They cheer when the home team is winning and even harder when they are losing. They always are sending positive messages to the players. You need to adopt the mindset of a cheerleader. Always give yourself encouragement or a pat on the back when you do a good job or when you are struggling. This is a simple but effective way to improving your confidence. Often, people will be jealous of your accomplishments and withhold their praise or not be around to give you words of encouragement when you are struggling. This is why being your own cheerleader is so terribly important.

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I deal with cases that most therapists wont touch because they don’t know how to be of real help. Even in the most extreme cases of low self-esteem that I have been referred and treated, these tips have worked. Know that you may feel silly” for a short period, or that you won’t believe it. However, remember when you were born, you had all the confidence you needed. No baby ever says: “I’m so terribly embarrassed, please don’t’ take my picture, I just shit myself.” Babies love attention and need it for their positive psychological development. As we grow, we learn unhelpful beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. Later, these beliefs shape us into the adults we are today. Please remember, you already have the confidence you need. You just need to unlearn the unhelpful beliefs that are holding you back. The above tips will help you to reprogramme yourself and restore the confidence that is your birth right.

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Visit Justin’s website to learn more about his services or follow him on Twitter @duwe_justin or visit his professional Facebook page. If you have any questions that you would like Justin to answer or topics that you want him to write about Tweet him or email him at: [email protected] (Please note that the identity of those asking any questions will always be kept confidential).

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