Connect with us

Published

on

By LeNair Xavier

Many gay relationships involve exploring threesomes every once in awhile. While it is unconventional for the supposed idea of a relationship, there is a way to do it right. And in doing it right, all parties must follow some rules. The couple must do so together and as individuals. Those rules differ however depending on the couple.

One set of rules that doesn’t change are those for the invited party, the one whose presence makes it a threesome. A role I have played a good number of times. Learning rules by doing it right from the jump, as well as by me learning from my mistakes. And I’ve become good enough at both that I’ve been invited back to play more than once by more than one of the couples I have played with.

LeNair Xavier's advice on threesomes (image supplied)
LeNair Xavier’s advice on threesomes (image supplied)

There are 4 top rules, and they are as follows:

1) Outnumbered

Being outnumbered is not normally a criteria by which one should give in to what one sexually desires of you. However, in the case of a threesome to which you were invited to by a couple, the role you play with each of them is not your call. Nor is it your call as to what extent you play that role. It’s that of the couple. However, my credo of “Your body, your call” still stands. So what is your call is how much of that offered limitation you take them up on.

In any case, there is no allowing yourself to do with your body what you don’t want just because there’s two of them, and one of you. Notice how I did not say “only one of you”. Because there being one of you does not lessen the respect you should demand of your body. But if they are a well-planning, clear-minded couple, they already know this, and to respect how much of their limitations you accept.

2) You Are A Guest

If they ask, “Your place, or ours?”, you should always answer to go to the latter. Or if they’re a couple not living together yet, make the home of one of them be the place to play, not yours.

Since we become more domineering in our homes, as we should be, you hosting a threesome with a couple makes it easier for you to forget your place as a guest to their relationship. For even if you go into it wanting that tryst with that couple to be a one time thing, you should still want to be a good enough playmate to be invited back.

3) Like Both Equally

If your only interactions with a couple are via a website or app, then your attraction is totally based on looks. For words on the screen might be enticing, but they are never confirmation until you meet in person. With such being the case, you should not become the three for a threesome if you are into one more than the other. So, unless the other party plans on being strictly a voyeur, don’t plan to be their 3rd if you only want the “cute” guy of that couple. Such as in an interracial couple, don’t hook up with the couple if you only want the white guy, or only his black boyfriend’s supposed “BBC”. Or if you want the gym-bodied guy, and not his heavyset significant other. If both members of that couple plan on playing, then have the same level of sexual attraction based on looks for both. It may seem like a strict rule to live by to be part of a threesome, but that’s the extra work you have to put in by not having an in-person introduction, as well as to avoid bad karma.

If your introduction to a couple wanting a threesome is an in-person one, then while you should still have just as strong a sexual attraction to both parties, it doesn’t have to be a sexual attraction based solely on looks. For sometimes, a guy’s nice personality actually is a beauty within that turns into a sexual beauty. I’ve experienced one-on-ones like this, so it can most definitely happen when meeting a couple. And when it does, make sure the sexual attraction to the inner beauty causes just as much of a spark as the spark caused by the partner you consider better looking.

4) Ask Questions

Since this is your body you’re giving to these people, you have every right to ask questions of the couple you have the possibility of playing with. In additions to questions regarding the aforementioned points, you also have a right to ask about each member of the couple’s HIV/STI status. Although, if you’re playing with condoms, it lessens the necessity for that question. After all, due to the still present shame about HIV and other STIs, guys can lie. Then there’s also the many other cases where with enough sexual encounters and no symptoms to show for it, guys just might not actually know.

With that said, if the couple seems bothered by you asking those unobtrusive questions, then that’s a red flag telling you to remove yourself from that situation. For such a couple is not socially equipped to handle a threesome. In fact, it’s most likely that they are one of those couples giving open relationships its negative stigma. For such a couple probably has threesomes because their social ineptitude makes them unable to even deal with each other. So inviting you is actually them asking you to be a buffer for the night. A duty that you should never allow yourself to be.

Following these rules should make for a great threesome. For as long as these rules for the unconventional are followed, one has less shame to feel about such a display of the unconventional. Instead revel in sexual bliss and a feeling of “the more, the merrier” after that threesome.

Follow LeNair Xavier on Twitter

Originally published on Thotyssey

LeNair Xavier’s advice on threesomes (image supplied)

Read more from Gareth Johnson

Advertisement

We want to hear your opinion

Advertisement

Arts & Culture

Photography that embraces naked men

“Stop comparing ourselves to strangers on the internet…”

Published

on

Arrested Movement by Anthony Patrick Manieri (image supplied)
Arrested Movement by Anthony Patrick Manieri (image supplied)

I caught up with photographer Anthony Patrick Manieri to talk about his ongoing series of work known as Arrested Movement.

Why do you think this project has captured the imagination of gay men around the world?

Because we’re all the same really, except we don’t all look alike. We usually just see what society deems to be the ‘perfect’ body types, flashed across TV and social media all the time.

This project encompasses a wide variety of men that are photographed equally and beautifully. I feel that the variety of men and body shapes being highlighted are recognisable to most men. We need to see diversity represented more in the media. That, and also the idea of male body positivity is refreshing in a world where the media seems to only push female body positivity. In this day and age, where depression and anxiety are extremely commonplace, it’s nice to know that we’re not alone in the struggle.

Why are men so keen to be photographed by you for this project?

Because we all want to fit in. We all want to be accepted, and here is a photographic series celebrating all men, all body types, and showcasing them artistically. I think men look at this and can relate and identify with some of the participating models, because they see themselves in the photos.

Most of the men you’ve photographed for this project appear to be first-time models, most likely being professionally photographed naked for the first time. Was that experience confronting for many of your models?

From what I’ve seen, and from what some of my assistants mentioned to me, for most of the men that participate there’s a definite shift in their overall energy levels from when they first arrive at the studio to when they’re done. One assistant asked me — “What is going on in the studio? Because when they arrive they’re quite scared, some even shake with nerves, but when they leave they glow and have this sense of empowerment.”

I make sure that the studio is private and a safe space for them to try and feel as comfortable as possible. I brief them, and coach them with suggestions of possible body movement. I also stop periodically to show the gentlemen their progression so far in the shoot.

Most men, after seeing themselves on the screen during the shoot, are delightfully impressed by how they look. They look at themselves in a positive light artistically, and not what they usually expect to see. I talk to them about how their hands are positioned, their facial expressions, pointing of their feet, and the overall lines of their bodies in the frame.

When you’re not quite happy with your body, putting yourself out there is brave. I watch some men almost lose themselves in the moment and in the music. I’m grateful that I get to witness such a personal moment of self-evolution. For others, they’re determined to take an amazing photo, so they push themselves so that their final image is strong and unique.

Should everyone tackle a naked photo shoot at some point in their lives?

I don’t know if that’s the answer. What people should do is take time to appreciate and accept themselves, to put themselves first. Fill their own cups before extinguishing their energy with others. Uniqueness is special. It’s okay to look different on the outside, because we’re all the same on the inside.

How is the project continuing to evolve?

I’m currently working on the design of the book — I’ll be releasing a Kickstarter page this Fall. I’m also looking at gallery spaces to have the first of many shows.

Are you still actively shooting guys for this project?

I’m still actively photographing men. If it were up to me, I’d be in a different city every weekend photographing.

Since I’m funding this myself, I need to take breaks between cities. Travelling, studio costs, and hotels add up quickly. There are a few cities in the US, Canada, and Mexico that I’d like to do before heading back to Europe. Beyond that, there’s talk of Australia, and possibly some cities in South America for 2019.

How can we help each other feel better about our bodies?

Advertisement

I think we really need to be kind to ourselves, and each other — daily. Judgement and self-judgement is such a human flaw, it’s like a vibrational plague. We should be detaching ourselves from our smart-phones and social media regularly. Yoga and meditation are great ways to feel centred and grounded, to be in tune with our higher self. Eating right always makes for a happier body and mind. We need to encourage and validate each other to be the best we can be.

What do the images that you’ve captured through this project tell us about gay men and their relationship with their bodies?

Gay culture is meant to be inclusive, and we celebrate that inclusiveness. Though within the gay community, there’s such a divide between men. We’re labelled and put in categories, therefore creating almost a hierarchy of what’s acceptable.

Body-image and self-esteem start in your own mind, not on Instagram. We need to literally stop comparing ourselves to strangers on the internet. We need to make mental health a priority in the gay community.

I hope that when people see this project, they know their worth, they know that they’re beautiful, and that it’s okay to be different.

Meet the participants

Follow Arrested Movement on Instagram

Read more from Gareth Johnson

Continue Reading

Advertisements

Advertisements

Advertisements

Advertisements

Follow Us

Trending