One of the big trends emerging in gay relationships and sexual encounters is the rise in cuckold fantasies.
Cuckolding has long been a staple of straight porn, but it’s a relatively new phenomenon in gay relationships — it’s possibly one of the unexpected consequences of marriage equality.
I caught up with my Tumblr buddy Uncensored Pleasure to talk about his experience of gay cuckold fantasies.
When did you discover and start to explore a gay cuckold fantasy?
As in many gay relationships, especially nowadays, there came a point in mine where my partner and I opened the sexual part of ours to other people. I’ve never been a jealous person, mostly because I believe that my partner can fall in love with someone else in any context, not necessary sexually — he could meet someone at the store and fall heads over heels for that person — so applying a rigidly monogamous model to my relationship, at least from a sexual point of view wasn’t something I found necessary.
As well, I always considered that my partner would be more truly unfaithful to me if he had a cup of coffee with someone else who made him laugh, than if he slept with that person, so sexual fidelity didn’t play a big role in my mind. As it happened, my partner and I spent quite some time long-distance at the beginning of our relationship, so we opened it up quite quickly.
I’ll admit, though, that open as I was to agreeing to exploring sex with other people, I wasn’t expecting to be turned on when I learned my boyfriend had slept with another man, but it was a pleasant surprise. As we explored threesomes, and sex on our own with other people, I found that, ironically, I was more turned on when my boyfriend slept with other men and told me about it than when I did. When we had threesomes, I would often sit back and watch them play, extremely aroused just by observing the situation.
After realising exactly what turned me on about it, I asked my partner to explore this fetish with me, and he’s been nothing if not supportive.
How would you define a gay cuckold?
In the straight world, cuckolding is a widely acknowledged and accepted fetish. But, four years ago — when I started my blog, there were only a handful of gay blogs which centred on this fetish, and no gay pornographic content out there whatsoever, let alone from mainstream gay porn studios.
In my opinion, this is due both to the fact that in a male/female relationship, the sexual roles are different, and allow for a more natural dom/sub dynamic between both partners — inverting the traditional male-dominant/female-submissive roles, by empowering the woman through infidelity. In contrast, gay relationships have been seen as being more frequently open, hence removing the taboo factor of infidelity, making it less appealing to a gay audience.
It’s been amazing watching the number of sites, blogs, articles, and references to gay cuckolding boom in the past years, and seeing how even mainstream porn studios are starting to include gay cuckolding in their programming.
To me, a gay cuckold is someone who is sexually aroused when his partner intimates with another person, either emotionally or sexually. As in any fetish, cuckolding presents itself in a series of shades or degrees.
Some cucks are aroused simply by watching their partner flirt with other people, knowing it happened, or having them dress provocatively to attract the looks of others — there doesn’t have to be any physical interaction, but they’re turned on just by the ‘threat’ of infidelity.
However, most cuckolds enjoy the next step, which is when there’s an actual sexual encounter between their partner and another person, whether they’re there to watch, or not. Again, some might enjoy the sexual aspect over the emotional, a combination of both, or vice versa.
The most hardcore degree of a cuckolding fetish I know about is when someone actively wants a third person to steal their partner from them and destroy their relationship, or when the cuck is denied any sexual release with their partner, in favour of the bull.
There are other fetishes which are similar but not to be confused with cuckolding. Voyeurism is often related to cuckolding, but I believe it to be independent. Voyeurs enjoy watching their partner with someone else, whereas cuckolds are aroused by the infidelity — even if they don’t get to watch or partake in the sexual encounter. A stag fetish is also different, since it can be defined as actively sharing one’s partner, where the person in control is the actual stag. A cuckold can lay out his ground rules, as in any shared fetish, but he’ll always play a submissive role, yearning to be dominated by his partner and or their bull.
In my mind, cuckolding is a form of psychological masochism. Whatever variation of the fetish, the common factor in cuckolding is the threat of being replaced or surpassed — either sexual or emotionally — by a better, fitter, more desirable mate, and this is what arouses the cuck. It involves a degree of humiliation, again varying from case to case — from the mild form of simply watching someone else pleasure your partner, to being verbally or physically humiliated in ways such as genital caging, verbal abuse, size comparison, feet worship, having to pleasure the bull while they have sex with the cuck’s partner, making the cuck clean them up, or economic abuse.
Why is the cuckold scenario something that fuels your fantasy?
Cuckolding goes hand in hand with submission and masochism. Both of those traits are especially appealing to me. Much in the way that some people enjoy being degraded, or physically dominated, or ‘abused’ — I enjoy knowing another person is giving my partner more pleasure than I do, or even could, and being explicitly reminded of it.
While I consider myself a very confident person, even sexually, I recognise that there are other men who are in much better shape, better at sex, or have qualities which may be appealing to my partner and which I may lack. Knowing that they’re able to have sex with my partner, defying me, or dismissing my role as his partner, to satisfy a lustful urge, making him give in to that desire — that’s very arousing to me.
In my case, it’s a purely sexual fetish. I feel very secure about my relationship and don’t consider that anyone we bring into this fetish can be a real threat to it, or put it in any sort of danger, nor would I want them to. I understand the emotional appeal of cuckolding, but in my case what arouses me is knowing someone else is sexually pleasuring my partner better than me.
Given that confidence in our relationship, we can — and do — explore this fetish more freely, without me having to give my partner any sort of permission, learning about his encounters often after the fact, or not being there at all when they take place, but getting equally aroused when either him or the bull tell me about it, or send me pictures.
Going back to the emotional aspect, this fetish has also helped us strengthen our relationship, since there have been cases where my partner has started to fall for his bull, but has stopped to consider what each of us brought to the table and stayed by my side.
How long have you been running your Tumblr blog dedicated to gay cuckold fantasies?
I created my blog four years ago as a personal way of exteriorising the sexual feelings I had, posting fantasies, true stories, and turn-ons. Given the very limited number of gay cuckolding blogs out there, I really didn’t expect any actual exposure or potential growth in followers — I was amazed when the numbers started to soar, when people started contacting me saying they’d always been into this fetish but never been able to openly explore it, or find any sort of content out there for them.
From a handful of posts and followers, about 125,000 people currently follow the blog, where they can find around 10,000 posts of gay cuckolding content, including real experiences my partner and I have lived, answers to questions people send, or comments regarding this fetish. More importantly, though, I believe my blog helped others create their own, and expand the presence of gay cuckolding content out there, regardless of what sub-variant of this fetish floats their boat.
What sort of feedback and engagement do you get from your followers?
I was absolutely baffled by the number of questions, comments, and feedback overall I received, from the moment I created the blog. It was interesting to see how the type of feedback evolved over time. At first, what most people said to me was that they’d always been intrigued or aroused by this fetish, but just couldn’t find any sites or blogs which uploaded content on gay cuckolding, often having to resort to straight sites, where cuckolding content is quite abundant.
As time went by, though, the questions or comments focused mainly on my own experiences, and how other people related to them — sometimes simply congratulating me on the story, others asking for advice on how to live out this fetish in their own relationship.
It did sadden me a bit to see that people who were cheating on their partners without their consent sent me questions or comments trying to legitimate their infidelity, which was not at all the idea behind the blog, regardless of how extreme fantasies may be.
What are some of the ways that you’ve explored your gay cuckold fantasies in real life?
It’s been over five years now. From the moment I knew that my partner was sleeping with other men, I recognised that it was something that aroused me. It’s has been quite a journey, since my partner doesn’t fully understand or share this fetish. He’s been amazing at exploring it with me, and enjoying it himself. We have had all sorts of experiences, here are just a few examples:
- Watching my partner with someone else.
- Being blindfolded or tied to a chair while they had sex in front of me.
- Watching my partner with someone else over Skype.
- Receiving pictures and videos of him while they were having sex.
- Receiving voice notes of them having sex.
- Texting with my partner’s bull while they were having sex.
- Having to stay in the living room while they locked themselves in our bedroom.
- Going to bed, leaving my partner and his bull in the living room and staying in the bedroom while they had sex.
- Having to stay home while he went to his bull’s house.
- Having to drive him and his bull home while they had sex in the car.
- Falling asleep on the couch, not knowing that my partner brought someone over and had sex.
- Being kicked out of the house while they had sex.
- Trying to cover for my partner at a party while he had sex with someone while our friends were there.
- Waiting for my partner by the bar at a club while he had sex with someone in the bathroom.
- Inviting his bull to our beach house and being cucked for an entire weekend non-stop.
Of course, on paper, this sounds like a dream-come-true to anyone turned on by gay cuckolding, but it has required a lot of work. Explaining this fetish to my partner, helping him feel comfortable with another man in front of me, or even without me, to feel confident enough to know he can hook up with anyone at any time, finding our limits — sexual safety, emotional attachment, and knowing how to include me even when I’m not there physically.
Finding people who are actually aroused by playing the role of a bull is very complicated. There are plenty of guys out there who will happily have sex with your partner, but finding those who enjoy humiliating the cuck, or truly understand the dynamic of the fetish is a whole other story.
We’ve also openly shared this fetish with our friends, and I’m happy to say that they’ve either felt curious about it and asked us on several occasions, or even participated in it. They’ve always been supportive of it, and have never treated it differently than any other fetish. This normalisation and acceptance is important to me.
What’s your ultimate gay cuckold fantasy?
There are always fantasies left to play out. I’d say my ultimate fantasy would combine the domination and humiliation aspects of cuckolding together with the transgression of our sexual safety rules. Regardless of how much this fetish turns me on, we’ve always been very careful about our sexual health and have rarely run any risks. When we have, it’s been incredibly arousing, precisely because it was something ‘forbidden.’
The only sexual exclusivity I have left with my partner — what separates them from me — is the degree of sexual safety. Finding someone who could take that away would be amazing.
Finding a bull who inspired enough confidence to bend those rules, making my partner give in to him in that way, and having him be an absolute alpha, who knows how to put me in my place as a cuck would be the ultimate fantasy.
We want to hear your opinion
Outdoors Cruising: the art behind the bushes
On a quest for anonymous and casual sex? ‘Cruising’ is not dead!
Outdoors cruising is not dead!
We have all heard stories of the ‘old days’, before mobile apps and even gay bars, when homosexuality was a taboo – and in many countries illegal – outdoors cruising was the only way for gay men to be able to find a sexual encounter.
Nowadays, homosexuality is no longer criminal in most of the western world and technology is here to stay. Socialising with our friends or acquaintances behind a screen and finding a sexual partner has never been easier. But some still prefer the rush and the forbidden pleasure of a casual outdoors hook up with a random stranger.
If you think that the rise of new technologies and that the closure of gay adult entertainment venues is killing cruising – think again.
From underground culture to art
Outdoors cruising has been source of inspiration for many artists, Touko Laaksonen (a.k.a. Tom of Finland) being one of the most recognisable names exploring the artistic potential of cruising.
Many young artists have proved that this element of the sexuality of gay men is alive, well and more popular than ever and their artwork exhibited in screens and galleries all over the world.
A brilliant example of that new generation of artists is Antonio da Silva – a young award-winning Portuguese experimental filmmaker that explores the hidden side of homoerotic culture in a voyeuristic and indie way.
On his official site he explains:
“I have always been fascinated by male sex and sexuality. I became increasingly frustrated with how moving image explored this and have begun to make it the subject of my films over the last three years. I do not consider myself a pornographer but a filmmaker who use my background to choreograph short films with explicit sex themes.”
Since 2011, when he launched his first short film “Mates” – an intimate view into the world of online hook ups – Antonio has been exploring many current themes of the gay culture such as fetish, voyeurism and, of course, outdoors cruising.
Each film is a mystic combination of sound, image and movement that captivates the viewer from the first second and has granted him a space in some of the most wanted film festivals all over the world.
From the ‘hidden camera’ documentary style of Bankers, the dance-based choreographic scenes of Dancers, to the futuristic – and almost stroboscopic – view into the world of online gay sex of Spunk, Antonio keeps experimenting and delighting his viewers with the most captivating homoerotic short films.
“Cruising in the Park” – a sensorial immersion into the cruising scene
On his most recent work – “Cruising in the Park” – Antonio teamed up with Fabio Lopes to take us on a journey into the world of outdoors cruising. Moving away from the mainstream staged pornographic cinematography, it combines low angle and close up shots with a real audio experience and narrative giving us a sensation of first-person experience.
And, if just like me, you are a massive fan of movie/series adaptation of dark themed comic books like Jessica Jones and Watchmen, you will fall in love with Rodrigo Penalosa’s deep voiced narrator’s commentary throughout the film.
Don’t believe me, then watch the trailer (NSFW) below:
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