I caught up with Twitter buddy Londonsub and asked him a few personal questions.
Can you remember the first time you jacked-off?
I can pinpoint it to where I was living, as we moved around a lot during the whole of my childhood. I was 12. I was a terribly innocent and naive boy, a loner and a late developer — two months short of my 23rd birthday before I even had a wank with anyone else.
I didn’t even know what masturbation was when I started. No brothers, and my father never brought up the subject. I used to lie in bed at night in my pyjamas and rub my body up and down against the mattress while thinking about boys I fancied, and find myself soaking every time without even knowing what it was.
It seems incredible that I had no idea, when I was academically very bright — but I’m talking about 50 years ago, when there weren’t easy ways of looking these things up.
I carried on like this for many months before it occurred to me to use my hands. Often I woke up from wet dreams without even touching myself.
Maybe because I’ve got a small penis — I’m only 4 inches hard now, so goodness knows what it measured at age 12— using my hand didn’t seem an obvious thing to do.
How did you feel when you first jacked off?
Confused, I suppose, but I knew it was pleasurable. I fantasised about older boys and didn’t feel bad about that, but I never imagined I could actually expect them to get physical with me.
Did you talk about it with anyone?
No, I was far too shy and embarrassed to think I could mention it to anyone. I was a nerdy, studious kid, and as I was constantly being moved from place to place I never had a chance to get close to other boys.
Did you try any different techniques in those early years?
It was all very rudimentary. What really varied were my fantasies. I had, and still have, a very active imagination.
I never used any kind of lube then, as I was pretty much self-lubricating. I still don’t bother much with lube now if it’s just me jerking off on my own.
Can you remember the first time you talked to someone else about jacking off?
Not until I’d finally begun doing it with other guys, at the ridiculously advanced age of 23.
How has you jack-off style evolved over the years?
Usually I’m standing, in the shower or perched over the toilet, but sometimes on my knees if I’m feeling especially submissive and imagining the humiliation of being caught.
I’ve always been an exhibitionist, so being watched, or the risk of being seen, really intensifies it. I remember at age 17, wanking naked at the kitchen window so that the guys on the building site might see me. At 18, in a flat my parents rented for the summer, I was constantly wanking naked in bed as my bedroom was overlooked by the men’s toilet in a casino just opposite. I’d still find that exciting.
In my twenties, I was so excited to be finally meeting guys that I sometimes came just by standing naked in front of them, humiliated to be turned on and hard, without touching myself or being touched by them.
I’ve learned over the years that having my balls tickled, even by me, makes me stay harder and cum more. Up until my mid-fifties I used to shoot a huge amount, spurt after spurt. If I was lying down, the cum would land on my face or fly over my head and hit the wall. My partner would often have me open my mouth while wanking me off in that position and see if he could make me cum straight into my mouth. It was like target practice.
I’m now in my mid-sixties, and sadly I produce far less — especially as a result of having had prostate cancer. I’m glad it all still works, but it’s disappointing that I cum relatively little now, and that my semen is almost transparent.
I used to love the look of amazement on guys’ faces when they saw me cum so much and so far. They often stupidly assumed that a tiny cock would also produce a tiny amount. It was always fun to surprise them — even more if they were sucking me off after ridiculing me, and seeing them choked by my cum.
What’s your preferred way to jack-off currently?
I like doing it in public more than ever!
What jack-off hints or tips would you give a young guy just starting to explore his sexuality?
Find what works for you, and don’t worry if you’ve got such a tiny dick that two fingers work better than a hand. Don’t assume that doing it harder is going to make it better. A lot of the best results come from what’s happening in your mind.
We want to hear your opinion
“My first thought was — I’m dead.”
In 1985, Derek Canas underwent heart surgery to correct a congenital anomaly — he was three months old.
The surgery was a success, but 16 years later Derek was diagnosed with AIDS — he had acquired HIV as a result of a blood transfusion during the heart surgery.
Derek is now a DJ and a campaigner for HIV awareness. Derek shared his story with Mainly Male.
When you were first diagnosed, how much did you and your family know about HIV?
The only thing I knew at that time was a few memories of a Nick News episode years before. I was diagnosed in 2001. My first thought was — “I’m dead.”
Thankfully, I had a great doctor who told me that I would that I would be going to his funeral, that he wasn’t going to mine. I had an AIDS diagnosis and wasting syndrome — I was weeks away from death.
What sort of counselling and support was available to you when you first diagnosed?
Just at doctors’ appointments. I live in a small town, there were no support groups close by. Family and close friends became my support system.
Have you encountered any stigma or discrimination as a result of your status?
Yes — especially in the early days after diagnosis. It’s just part of living in a small town. The understanding of the virus is still stuck in the mindset of the early-90s. Sadly, that’s nationwide — public knowledge is really lacking in terms of HIV.
You speak publicly about HIV and educate people about the virus — do you ever feel like taking some time out? Do you ever feel like you don’t want to have to explain your status to people that you meet?
I don’t take time out for myself. My cardiologist hates that — I’m on my fifth pace-maker. I always welcome the opportunity to explain my HIV status. I wear it like a badge of honour. The virus nearly killed me, and I’ve fought back — I’m the one that’s kicking its ass now.
What advice or guidance would you give to someone who has been recently diagnosed with HIV?
The days after are rough — don’t be ashamed of the breakdown. You’ll feel better as your health gets better. It just takes time and patience.
Do you have any hints or tips for people on how to respond to HIV stigma or discrimination?
I use music to get me through. I’m a DJ, so I know how powerful music is on our minds and bodies. I always encourage people to find their music or movies — something that helps them laugh or get hyped-up.
Keep a calendar — put things on it, no matter how small — always look forward. Tomorrow can and will be better.
Everyone gets knocked down in life. It’s about how you stand back up.
Sharing the stories of our community
It’s not easy to talk about HIV, but talking about your experience can help to build your confidence and understanding of what HIV means for you. Your story can also help others who are processing their own experiences with HIV.
If you’d like to share your story with the readers of Mainly Male, please email [email protected]
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