I caught up with author Kyler Fey and asked him a few personal questions.
Can you remember the first time you jacked-off?
I don’t recall a specific first time, but I remember clearly that I was actually doing it regularly for quite a long time before I was even capable of making cum — probably starting when I was ten.
I remember, during these early days of it, experiencing again and again this wild sensation of having hit some kind of sensory barrier where my dick simply became so sensitive that I couldn’t play with it anymore. It would go soft, and I’d have to wait a while before I could get hard and do it again.
Being a very curious boy, I did some research on this phenomenon and realised that I was probably having orgasms but that I wasn’t making any spunk yet.
How did you feel when you first jacked off?
My first actual ejaculation happened during the summer, a couple months before my twelfth birthday.
My jacking-off method at the time usually involved humping a pillow, while having an elaborate fantasy about another boy. One afternoon, while doing this, I reached the expected orgasm threshold, but this time it felt a little different — I realised that something had come out of my cock, and that I’d made a little wet spot on the pillow.
I was very fucking thrilled about this, because I’d been waiting for that moment for a long time already. I also realised that, going forward, playing with my cock was going to start making a little mess that I’d have to find ways of dealing with.
I was very secretive about it for the first few years. I was an only child — so no older brother who had been through it first — and things like this weren’t talked about with my parents. Also. I didn’t have a lot of close male friends, and the couple that I did have at the time were probably running a little bit behind me on getting started with jacking off and cumming.
I knew basically what was going on with my body when that first cum-spurt happened, because we had decent sex ed in my school. Also, being a bookish lad, I read as much about sex and dudes and dicks and sperm as I possibly could — constantly searching the public library for more info. This was in the days before the internet.
My mom owned, hidden away in a cache of secret sex books, a copy of Nancy Fridays’ 1980 volume Men In Love, which fascinated the hell out of me. It’s a compilation of hundreds of male sex anecdotes and fantasies, organised by theme, that the author solicited by way of ads asking dudes to send her their stories. I was at home alone a lot, so I’d read this book for a while — and usually jack off about something I’d read — and then put it back in its hiding place that so she wouldn’t know that I’d gotten into her secret books.
Weirdly, this odd book had three very good sex-positive effects on me. First, I understood that jacking off is totally normal and probably universal among young males. Second, that gay dudes exist — there was a section of stories in that book from non-straight guys, and I was very slowly trying to understand and accept why other boys made my dick hard. Third, that it’s totally normal to have really wild sex fantasies, even ones that you wouldn’t really enact in real life.
Did you try any different techniques in those early years?
At some point fairly early on, I switched from almost always using the humping-the-pillow method to almost always the right-fist method while lying on my back, though I’d switch it up sometimes.
I was also always looking for ways to make myself cum without touching my cock, because I figured that would feel more like ‘real’ sex, which I’d yet to experience. Successful experiments in this pursuit included pressing my dick against the flow of the water-fill jet in the swimming pool that we had in the backyard at the time. It would take a while, but eventually it stimulated me enough to jizz in the water.
Another triumphant method was fucking a melon. During the summer that I was thirteen, we had a garden with cantaloupe growing in it. It occurred to me to carve a hole into one of them and stick my cock into it. This was, at that time in my life, a totally mind-blowing way to do it — once I got the dick-hole cut to the correct size. Obviously, I couldn’t use this amazing method very often lest suspicion arise over the rapid disappearance of our melon crop. I still do this once in a while for a special treat.
Also, while still in the early days of being able to cum, I experimented with my ass a little bit, occasionally inserting food items like hot dogs and carrots into it. I also figured out that massaging my nuts with the other hand while stroking my cock feels really good.
I was off and on with lube, usually not using any because I didn’t like dealing with the mess of it. Sometimes I’d use my own spit, imagining that this would make it feel like a blowjob, but that usually wasn’t very satisfactory because I found that I couldn’t spit enough to keep the ideal sensation going for long enough. Also, I was a kid and I didn’t know about nor have access to proper lubes, so when I did slick it up it would always be with random stuff around the house like Vaseline, sunscreen, cooking oil, or soap.
Sometimes I’d have days when my cock was chafed from overdoing it, so I’d restrict myself to jerking it in the shower with some kind of lube. I learned that if I had a sore spot then the soap might sting. It seems, however, that penis skin heals quickly. I still injure myself a little bit from time to time, but it’s never more than a brief bother.
Can you remember the first time you talked to someone else about jacking off?
I remember that first time very vividly. During my sophomore year of high school, I was hanging out in my bedroom with my closest friend at that time, and he was helping me pack stuff into boxes because I was moving to a different house. We were mostly just wasting time and sharing a couple beers and smokes that I’d stolen from my dad, and not getting much packing done.
He opened a trunk at the end of my bed. I used to store all kinds of random stuff in that trunk, including an old red t-shirt that I’d been using for months to wipe cum off my body after jacking off in bed on my back every night before going to sleep. That cum-rag shirt, so heavily stained and crusty and wadded, was somehow lifted out of trunk along with something else that he’d grabbed. I remember how it hung from one of his fingers, a stiff cotton graveyard of billions of my sperm.
He and I both realised at the same moment what he’d found, and I was about to be totally embarrassed, but then he said something like — “Dude, this a really weird place to store this. I usually stick mine under my mattress.” It was seriously cool of him to volunteer that information up-front, because it made jacking off a thing that we could freely talk about from that point on with neither of us being shy or weird about it. It was simply out in the open between us that we were both daily masturbators, and that we both liked to use a thoroughly semen-saturated t-shirt as a clean-up tool. I think it helped, also, that he was a year older than me — even though we were in the same class in school — so he’d had a bit more time to get casual about his own beating off.
One regret I still harbour from that time is that I didn’t think that I could tell him that I’m gay — it was nearly unheard of to be out as gay in that place and time. I learned years later that he would have been cool with it — and that he’d secretly suspected it about me — and that I could have been more up-front with him about what was in my head that was turning me on so much during all that jacking off.
How has your jack-off style evolved over the years?
Because of my age — I’m over 40 now — I lived through the early era of online porn and sex chat. During my twenties, I ended up moving toward somewhat less frequent ejaculations but a lot more total time spent on jacking-off sessions. This is because I was edging it for long periods of time with other dudes in chatrooms or on the phone, and holding back my load so that I could ‘do’ a few other guys that evening without having to recharge after a cum-shot.
When I was teenager, with no porn media or other random guys assisting me, I’d make myself cum about as often as possible. Four or five times in a day was not at all uncommon, but I tended to do it really quickly. I’d even choke it in the restroom at school because I couldn’t wait until I got home. What I was physically doing didn’t change much — it was still always pulling on my prick with my right hand — but more and more often that was done while interacting online somehow in all those free chatrooms that there used to be on AOL and Yahoo.
Now those chat days are gone, and I’m obviously not a teenager or twenty-something guy anymore, so I’m not cumming quite as often — I tend to extend and savour the experience a bit more.
What’s your preferred way to jack-off currently?
I guess I don’t change it up much. It’s usually either standing up in the bathroom in front of the mirror — while I am getting ready for work and shooting a load in the sink — or in bed on my back and shooting cum on my belly.
Both my husband I also sometimes do it during sex with each other, or when we’re having a three-way with another dude. Often he’ll fuck my ass and cum inside me, and I’ll be jerking-off during it and make myself cum either on myself or on him.
I’m still mostly an everyday ejaculator by one means or another. In the last couple of years, however, I’ve been writing and publishing a series of erotic novels. I find that I write that kind of story faster and better when I’m really horny — during periods when I have time to make a lot of progress on a story or when I’m doing the final draft on it, I’ll prohibit myself from shooting a load so that I don’t lose my hard-on and the the momentum on the writing. During these periods, I’m still constantly masturbating, just not letting myself go all the way and spunking out. This orgasm-denial regime can sometimes go on for days, and during these periods, I’m constantly oozing pre-jac and sometimes leaking out a spurt of jizz right after I take a piss, because it needs to get out somehow.
What jack-off hints or tips would you give a young guy just starting to explore his sexuality?
Firstly, don’t be afraid of your own body nor let anyone shame you for it for any reason. Secondly, jacking off is totally normal and natural for most guys, and it’s a great thing for you to enjoy by yourself and perhaps someday with someone else.
Other things good to know about playing with your cock are that there’s no one ‘right’ way to do it, that you also have an ass-hole and balls and nipples and other parts of your body that might also feel good to play with while you’re stroking it, and that sex is not just about fucking as the end goal. You can get off awesomely all by yourself, and knowing these things about yourself and your own body will help you be a better lover when you do get it on with someone else.
Less important, but perhaps still useful for the young man — at least consider using lube, especially if you’re circumcised. Also, try to do it once in a while somewhere very private where you don’t have to worry about anyone hearing — it’s hot as fuck to moan and yell and cry when you shoot it.
We want to hear your opinion
Photography that embraces naked men
“Stop comparing ourselves to strangers on the internet…”
I caught up with photographer Anthony Patrick Manieri to talk about his ongoing series of work known as Arrested Movement.
Why do you think this project has captured the imagination of gay men around the world?
Because we’re all the same really, except we don’t all look alike. We usually just see what society deems to be the ‘perfect’ body types, flashed across TV and social media all the time.
This project encompasses a wide variety of men that are photographed equally and beautifully. I feel that the variety of men and body shapes being highlighted are recognisable to most men. We need to see diversity represented more in the media. That, and also the idea of male body positivity is refreshing in a world where the media seems to only push female body positivity. In this day and age, where depression and anxiety are extremely commonplace, it’s nice to know that we’re not alone in the struggle.
Why are men so keen to be photographed by you for this project?
Because we all want to fit in. We all want to be accepted, and here is a photographic series celebrating all men, all body types, and showcasing them artistically. I think men look at this and can relate and identify with some of the participating models, because they see themselves in the photos.
Most of the men you’ve photographed for this project appear to be first-time models, most likely being professionally photographed naked for the first time. Was that experience confronting for many of your models?
From what I’ve seen, and from what some of my assistants mentioned to me, for most of the men that participate there’s a definite shift in their overall energy levels from when they first arrive at the studio to when they’re done. One assistant asked me — “What is going on in the studio? Because when they arrive they’re quite scared, some even shake with nerves, but when they leave they glow and have this sense of empowerment.”
I make sure that the studio is private and a safe space for them to try and feel as comfortable as possible. I brief them, and coach them with suggestions of possible body movement. I also stop periodically to show the gentlemen their progression so far in the shoot.
Most men, after seeing themselves on the screen during the shoot, are delightfully impressed by how they look. They look at themselves in a positive light artistically, and not what they usually expect to see. I talk to them about how their hands are positioned, their facial expressions, pointing of their feet, and the overall lines of their bodies in the frame.
When you’re not quite happy with your body, putting yourself out there is brave. I watch some men almost lose themselves in the moment and in the music. I’m grateful that I get to witness such a personal moment of self-evolution. For others, they’re determined to take an amazing photo, so they push themselves so that their final image is strong and unique.
Should everyone tackle a naked photo shoot at some point in their lives?
I don’t know if that’s the answer. What people should do is take time to appreciate and accept themselves, to put themselves first. Fill their own cups before extinguishing their energy with others. Uniqueness is special. It’s okay to look different on the outside, because we’re all the same on the inside.
How is the project continuing to evolve?
I’m currently working on the design of the book — I’ll be releasing a Kickstarter page this Fall. I’m also looking at gallery spaces to have the first of many shows.
Are you still actively shooting guys for this project?
I’m still actively photographing men. If it were up to me, I’d be in a different city every weekend photographing.
Since I’m funding this myself, I need to take breaks between cities. Travelling, studio costs, and hotels add up quickly. There are a few cities in the US, Canada, and Mexico that I’d like to do before heading back to Europe. Beyond that, there’s talk of Australia, and possibly some cities in South America for 2019.
How can we help each other feel better about our bodies?
I think we really need to be kind to ourselves, and each other — daily. Judgement and self-judgement is such a human flaw, it’s like a vibrational plague. We should be detaching ourselves from our smart-phones and social media regularly. Yoga and meditation are great ways to feel centred and grounded, to be in tune with our higher self. Eating right always makes for a happier body and mind. We need to encourage and validate each other to be the best we can be.
What do the images that you’ve captured through this project tell us about gay men and their relationship with their bodies?
Gay culture is meant to be inclusive, and we celebrate that inclusiveness. Though within the gay community, there’s such a divide between men. We’re labelled and put in categories, therefore creating almost a hierarchy of what’s acceptable.
Body-image and self-esteem start in your own mind, not on Instagram. We need to literally stop comparing ourselves to strangers on the internet. We need to make mental health a priority in the gay community.
I hope that when people see this project, they know their worth, they know that they’re beautiful, and that it’s okay to be different.
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