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Ever wondered how gay men have sex? Ever wondered if other guys are having a similar experience to you?

We decided to run a quick survey to see what insights we could gather about the sex lives of gay men.

117 guys responded to our survey.

  • 92% of respondents identified their sexuality as Gay.
  • 8% of respondents identified their sexuality as Bisexual.

Here’s what they told us:

In general, how often do you have sex?

  • More than once a week: 26%
  • About once a week: 21%
  • A couple of times each month: 16%
  • At least once a month: 10%
  • Less than once a month: 16%
  • I don’t have sex: 11%

When you have sex with someone, what do you enjoy the most?

  • Oral sex — giving: 18%
  • Oral sex — receiving: 11%
  • Anal sex — giving: 14%
  • Anal sex — receiving: 31%
  • Mutual masturbation: 26%

“I like all of the above, plus watching and being watched by interested parties.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“Rimming is what I enjoy the most.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“What I like is being played with by two or more men.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“Kissing. Seriously. I could do it for hours.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I’m a CBT Dom into ball busting.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“Kissing is next to godliness, and rimming comes a close second.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I enjoy sex a lot better after a few cocktails…” — Paul, Twitter

“I used to be 100% top when I was younger. Now I lean more towards a total bottom. As I got older it is like something has been awakened in my ass and it craves cock.” — Coyote, Twitter

When you have sex with someone, what do you feel most confident doing?

  • Oral sex — giving: 35%
  • Oral sex — receiving: 11%
  • Anal sex — giving: 11%
  • Anal sex — receiving: 19%
  • Mutual masturbation: 24%

“I’m happy doing all of that but I prefer to bottom. However I have been praised on my topping ability.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I’ve rarely have I met anyone who is good at giving oral.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I love giving anal sex, but sometime I get all caught up in my head — especially if we’re with a new playmate. That leads to a cock that doesn’t get fully hard. That can be embarrassing sometimes. When receiving anal, you can get lost in the sexual ecstasy and it’s amazing. Also, if there are more than two of you, that just adds to the thrill.” — Coyote, Twitter

“I’m deaf, and when it comes to social meets I tend to prefer sex to chat! My preferred scene is a group massage with like-minded friends, ending up with a fuck-session. A joy to watch, to give, and to receive — all naked and horny together!” — Owen, Twitter

When you’re having sex with someone, do you explore any of the following:

  • Role plays: 41%
  • BDSM: 31%
  • Fetish wear: 48%
  • Sex toys or dildos: 58%
  • Chems: 9%
  • Threesomes: 58%
  • Group sex: 39%
  • Watersports: 27%
  • Spanking: 34%
  • Fisting: 10%
  • Poppers: 42%

“Threesomes is something that my husband and I have been exploring more. It takes a while to find the right dynamic, but it’s well worth the wait. It’s definitely worth exploring with someone with a big age difference. It isn’t just about having sex, it’s about having a sexual experience. If you have an age difference, different sexual talents are brought to the bedroom.” — Coyote, Twitter

“I would add foot fetish to the list.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I also like suspension and wrestling.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“Rimming. Armpits. Socks. Underwear.” — anonymous survey respondent.

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“Sex toys is another level of exploring that is well worth it. Put a prostrate massage toy in your partner and that leaves you freed up to do other things. The sensation of sexual pleasure from multiple erogenous zones makes for a great orgasm.” — Coyote, Twitter

Do you use any dating or hook-up apps?

  • Yes: 62%
  • No: 38%

“I’ve discovered that you don’t need to have an hour to have an intense time. Nothing wrong with a quickie — especially if you’re out and about and not home.” — Simon, Twitter

Which dating or hook-up apps do you use?

  • Grindr: 74%
  • Scruff: 33%
  • Hornet: 4%
  • Fab Guys: 7%
  • Recon: 11%
  • Gaydar: 4%
  • Daddyhunt: 7%
  • Planet Romeo: 4%

“We use Scruff, Grindr, and Daddy hunt. It’s a great way to screen guys to see if they just want a quick hook-up or something a little more than a one-time shot. We tend to lean toward guys who are looking for more of a casual friend-with-benefits. We also have a rule where we meet the guy first before we invite him over. The sexual energy has to be right or else it throws off the whole sexual experience.” — Coyote, Twitter

Are you in a relationship?

  • Yes: 61%
  • No: 39%

“The best of love is built on a foundation of friendship and the best sex is built on the foundation of love.” — P-Man, Twitter

“A personal connection with a human being makes sex way better!” — Alejandro, Twitter

How long have you been in a relationship?

  • I’m not in a relationship: 39%
  • Less than six months: 3%
  • Between six months to one year: 3%
  • Between one year to three years: 6%
  • Between three years to five years: 4%
  • Longer than five years: 45%

“I cherish the un-obvious things. The reaction of the married guy’s erection when I touch his hand. The spontaneity of a man ejaculating when I kiss his lips. My desire to surrender to his most intimate areas in an act of breathless submission and recognition that he is man, that we are man, and our desire is need, want, lust, love, renewal, and redemption. A map that guides the way back to being a respected husband and father and bread winner. At least until the next time.” — Stanley, Twitter

Is your relationship monogamous?

  • I’m not in a relationship: 39%
  • Yes — we’re monogamous: 29%
  • No — we’re not monogamous: 32%

“We are monogamous, but together we sometimes play with others.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“We play with other people but only as a couple.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“If I had a relationship it would be monogamous.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“We’ve been in our current relationship for 6 years, married for 4 years, and ethically non-monogamous for 2 years.” — Coyote, Twitter

Methodology

  • The survey was conducted across a two-week period in June 2018.
  • Respondents were recruited via Twitter and Facebook. No incentives were offered for respondents to complete the survey.
  • We used Survey Monkey to collect the survey responses, and then analysed the results manually.
  • Comments from respondents were captured during the survey process, or via social media during the survey recruitment process.

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Fitness

Meet the vegan body-builder

Alexander Kosztowny is building mass without harm.

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Alexander Kosztowny (image supplied)
Alexander Kosztowny (image supplied)

I caught up with aspiring bodybuilder Alexander Kosztowny to talk fitness, food, and life as a vegan body-builder.

Were you into sports at school?

No. Growing up, I was a heavy-set kid, and not very active at all. In school, I was very academic, and focused mainly on my studies rather than athletics. I didn’t dread gym class, and always worked hard and enjoyed certain sports like tennis and volleyball, but the lack of variety of activities in gym class limited my view on the variety of types of activities out there. If I’d tried a weight lifting class, or yoga, or karate, my attitude may have changed earlier in life. My sister was always active, but I come from a family who are not very big on physical activity or sports. Of course, like most, I wish I’d started earlier, but better late than never.

Can you remember what your first experience of a gym was?

I lost a lot of weight in high school with the onset of puberty, and with the gaining knowledge of nutrition, portion control, and cardiovascular activity. When I went to college, I found myself putting a lot of the weight back on, and knew I had to prevent that. I joined a gym, and hired a personal trainer for the first time to help me get back on track.

I absolutely fell in love with pumping iron. I was able to coordinate working out into being a part of my schedule, as opposed to limiting it only to ‘when I have time’ and having a trainer not only motivated me and taught me technique, but also kept me accountable for my actions. He helped me with adding strength while paying attention to form, and meal planning, The excess weight fell off, and I became addicted.

Now I’m in the gym every day, pushing my body and transforming both my health, my appearance, and my outlook.

When did you decide to get serious about your fitness and bodybuilding?

About four years ago. But I’ve only been super-serious for about a year, and I’ve only been extremely strict in terms of diet for about six months. I’m still a beginner.

What’s your aspiration as a bodybuilder?

To get huge. That’s it.

As someone who’s plant-based, I’d also like to show others what’s possible on a non-traditional diet. That there are other forms of nutrition and protein, and you can build muscle, look great, and have tons of energy without harm.

What’s the difference between your body as it is now and the way that you want your body to look?

I’d still call my self thick or chubby-muscular. The interesting thing about bodybuilding is that there never really is an end goal. You just lift and grow bigger and you’re never quite big or strong enough. I’m just trying to push myself as far as I possibly can. It’s exciting to see the changes you can make that way.

What’s your work-out regime like?

I’m in the gym six or seven times a week. This seems excessive to some people, and I know others who only go three or four times a week, and that works for them. For me, the gym is therapeutic and a stress reliever, as well as a hobby.

I usually spend about one hour doing weight lifting — machines and free weights — and then I wrap up with about 35 minutes of cardio. I focus on one body part per day. It’s a traditional bodybuilding split, so muscles have a chance to rest. This routine works for me — I know some people have luck doing high-intensity, full body workouts, but I like the focus of working each muscle group in isolation.

Do you have a work-out buddy?

Not currently, but I’ve always enjoyed it when I do. It really is vital for really heavy spotting, and the dependability is nice if they’re as motivated as you. If anyone is in Los Angeles and wants to train with me, hit me up!

How important is controlling your diet?

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Controlling diet is extremely important. It makes or breaks your progress in the gym. if you lift but don’t eat right, you won’t get anywhere. I’ve seen this happen both for myself and others. When I finally got on the right meal plan, the results happened in no time at all — abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym.

I eat about five times a day, and I’m plant-based, just like Tom Brady. My diet consists of lots of legumes, lentils, tofu, peas, broccoli, peanut butter, protein shakes, and other natural, nutrient-rich foods that contain protein without resorting to animal products.

Besides the ethical and environmental sides of going vegan, I find I have more energy, need less time to recover, and am less sore, as well as having clearer skin. I count my macros — calories, carbs, proteins, and fats — and eat the same foods every day to stay on track. I’ve pretty much eliminated bread, gluten, alcohol, refined sugars, and beverages besides water from my diet, except for special occasions. I’m super-strict, but do let myself enjoy food.

Are your friends and family supportive of your bodybuilding aspirations?

For the most part. They’re always impressed at my progress and dedication, but I need a lot of willpower when I have a family who loves to cook, bake, and tempt me with treats. That’s why having a partner or workout buddy who is on a similar plan is helpful, if you’re lucky enough to find one. It keeps you on track.

Are you competing?

Nope, and no plans to either. But that may change as I grow bigger.

What are some of your priorities for the months ahead?

I’m currently in the best shape I’ve ever been in, so I want to just keep on progressing. It’s a slow process, and takes a lot of time, so you have to be patient.

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