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How do gay men have sex?

Photo by Ihor Malytskyi on Unsplash



Ever wondered how gay men have sex? Ever wondered if other guys are having a similar experience to you?

We decided to run a quick survey to see what insights we could gather about the sex lives of gay men.

117 guys responded to our survey.

  • 92% of respondents identified their sexuality as Gay.
  • 8% of respondents identified their sexuality as Bisexual.

Here’s what they told us:

In general, how often do you have sex?

  • More than once a week: 26%
  • About once a week: 21%
  • A couple of times each month: 16%
  • At least once a month: 10%
  • Less than once a month: 16%
  • I don’t have sex: 11%

When you have sex with someone, what do you enjoy the most?

  • Oral sex — giving: 18%
  • Oral sex — receiving: 11%
  • Anal sex — giving: 14%
  • Anal sex — receiving: 31%
  • Mutual masturbation: 26%

“I like all of the above, plus watching and being watched by interested parties.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“Rimming is what I enjoy the most.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“What I like is being played with by two or more men.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“Kissing. Seriously. I could do it for hours.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I’m a CBT Dom into ball busting.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“Kissing is next to godliness, and rimming comes a close second.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I enjoy sex a lot better after a few cocktails…” — Paul, Twitter

“I used to be 100% top when I was younger. Now I lean more towards a total bottom. As I got older it is like something has been awakened in my ass and it craves cock.” — Coyote, Twitter

When you have sex with someone, what do you feel most confident doing?

  • Oral sex — giving: 35%
  • Oral sex — receiving: 11%
  • Anal sex — giving: 11%
  • Anal sex — receiving: 19%
  • Mutual masturbation: 24%

“I’m happy doing all of that but I prefer to bottom. However I have been praised on my topping ability.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I’ve rarely have I met anyone who is good at giving oral.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I love giving anal sex, but sometime I get all caught up in my head — especially if we’re with a new playmate. That leads to a cock that doesn’t get fully hard. That can be embarrassing sometimes. When receiving anal, you can get lost in the sexual ecstasy and it’s amazing. Also, if there are more than two of you, that just adds to the thrill.” — Coyote, Twitter

“I’m deaf, and when it comes to social meets I tend to prefer sex to chat! My preferred scene is a group massage with like-minded friends, ending up with a fuck-session. A joy to watch, to give, and to receive — all naked and horny together!” — Owen, Twitter

When you’re having sex with someone, do you explore any of the following:

  • Role plays: 41%
  • BDSM: 31%
  • Fetish wear: 48%
  • Sex toys or dildos: 58%
  • Chems: 9%
  • Threesomes: 58%
  • Group sex: 39%
  • Watersports: 27%
  • Spanking: 34%
  • Fisting: 10%
  • Poppers: 42%

“Threesomes is something that my husband and I have been exploring more. It takes a while to find the right dynamic, but it’s well worth the wait. It’s definitely worth exploring with someone with a big age difference. It isn’t just about having sex, it’s about having a sexual experience. If you have an age difference, different sexual talents are brought to the bedroom.” — Coyote, Twitter

“I would add foot fetish to the list.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“I also like suspension and wrestling.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“Rimming. Armpits. Socks. Underwear.” — anonymous survey respondent.


“Sex toys is another level of exploring that is well worth it. Put a prostrate massage toy in your partner and that leaves you freed up to do other things. The sensation of sexual pleasure from multiple erogenous zones makes for a great orgasm.” — Coyote, Twitter

Do you use any dating or hook-up apps?

  • Yes: 62%
  • No: 38%

“I’ve discovered that you don’t need to have an hour to have an intense time. Nothing wrong with a quickie — especially if you’re out and about and not home.” — Simon, Twitter

Which dating or hook-up apps do you use?

  • Grindr: 74%
  • Scruff: 33%
  • Hornet: 4%
  • Fab Guys: 7%
  • Recon: 11%
  • Gaydar: 4%
  • Daddyhunt: 7%
  • Planet Romeo: 4%

“We use Scruff, Grindr, and Daddy hunt. It’s a great way to screen guys to see if they just want a quick hook-up or something a little more than a one-time shot. We tend to lean toward guys who are looking for more of a casual friend-with-benefits. We also have a rule where we meet the guy first before we invite him over. The sexual energy has to be right or else it throws off the whole sexual experience.” — Coyote, Twitter

Are you in a relationship?

  • Yes: 61%
  • No: 39%

“The best of love is built on a foundation of friendship and the best sex is built on the foundation of love.” — P-Man, Twitter

“A personal connection with a human being makes sex way better!” — Alejandro, Twitter

How long have you been in a relationship?

  • I’m not in a relationship: 39%
  • Less than six months: 3%
  • Between six months to one year: 3%
  • Between one year to three years: 6%
  • Between three years to five years: 4%
  • Longer than five years: 45%

“I cherish the un-obvious things. The reaction of the married guy’s erection when I touch his hand. The spontaneity of a man ejaculating when I kiss his lips. My desire to surrender to his most intimate areas in an act of breathless submission and recognition that he is man, that we are man, and our desire is need, want, lust, love, renewal, and redemption. A map that guides the way back to being a respected husband and father and bread winner. At least until the next time.” — Stanley, Twitter

Is your relationship monogamous?

  • I’m not in a relationship: 39%
  • Yes — we’re monogamous: 29%
  • No — we’re not monogamous: 32%

“We are monogamous, but together we sometimes play with others.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“We play with other people but only as a couple.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“If I had a relationship it would be monogamous.” — anonymous survey respondent.

“We’ve been in our current relationship for 6 years, married for 4 years, and ethically non-monogamous for 2 years.” — Coyote, Twitter


  • The survey was conducted across a two-week period in June 2018.
  • Respondents were recruited via Twitter and Facebook. No incentives were offered for respondents to complete the survey.
  • We used Survey Monkey to collect the survey responses, and then analysed the results manually.
  • Comments from respondents were captured during the survey process, or via social media during the survey recruitment process.

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Improve your sex life with a tantric workshop!

Learn how to unlock a whole new level of pleasure.



Unlock a new level of pleasure with a gay tantric workshop (image supplied)
Image supplied

If you’re looking for something a bit different for your vacation options in the year ahead, how about a tantric sex workshop with gay travel specialists Spain Seven Degrees?

This is a five-day workshop held on the Spanish island of Mallorca. You’ll be staying in a gay guesthouse with stunning views out over the Mediterranean.

Attendees are limited to a maximum group of ten men. You’ll be guided by professional instructors through morning yoga, sunset pool Pilates, and a huge variety of workouts. Be ready to improve your sexual health with sex workshops that focus on tantric sex, gay kama sutra, and a few surprises.

The workshop will be held at the gay guesthouse Guapo Finca with available dates in May and October 2019.

Book before 31 January 2019 and receive a discount of €100 if you use the discount code of MAINLYMALE100.

Unlock a new level of pleasure with a gay tantric workshop (image supplied)

The discount code of  MAINLYMALE100 applies to all trips offered by Spain Seven Degrees. Options include:

Use the discount code MAINLYMALE100 for a discount of €100 on any Spain Seven Degrees trips if you book before 31 January 2019.

Unlock a new level of pleasure with a gay tantric workshop (image supplied)

Tantra Workshops included in this retreat

The essence of Tantŕa

  • This workshop is dedicated to knowing and experiencing the essence of Tantŕa. It will begin with a brief introduction of Tantŕa as a path that brings awareness to all areas of our life, the Tantŕa is a way to awaken to our true essence. Awareness. Love. First we will experience individually through bioenergetics with different techniques of breathing and movement of the body to connect with this state and let ourselves fall into this relaxation in the heart.
  • Then we will connect this inner state with the outside through meditations in pairs coordinating the breathing and the power of the look. Learning to connect with others from that authenticity of your present moment, learning to embrace your reality and that of the other creating true intimacy.

Activation of the 4 elements – how sexuality is expressed in each chakra

  • The human being is an energy system as well as physical, mental and emotional. In the energy plan we have “7 chakras” or energy centers. Each of them related to one of the four elements (earth, water, fire, air) and concrete emotions (fear / confidence / sadness / inspiration / enthusiasm / anger). In this workshop we will learn how to make love connecting with each of these energy centers but there will be no explicit sexuality.
  • What does it mean to live my sexuality from each of my chakras? There will be a theoretical part sustained by a practice activating with music and physical exercises the energy of the four elements in us and sharing through dance and a final circle, as we feel in each of them, where our connection and our blockages are, letting us see.
  • We will learn the importance of connecting with all our energy sources, the variety of expressions that this energy brings to our sexual practices and how to fully integrate and live your sexuality, loving and enjoying yourself as you are.

Ritual of devotion and initiation to tantric massage

  • The purpose of this workshop is to learn to look and be seen, touch and be touched to be, from heart to heart, from God to God . We are accustomed to looking at our body and the bodies of others through fixed images cultivated throughout our lives with which we find ourselves imprisoned when experiencing something new, something more enriching, something more divine.
  • Through a ritual of devotion to the body of the other we allow ourselves to expand our vision and sensitivity and finally connect with our essence and that of the other honoring their divinity. The workshop ends with an initiation to tantric massage: We touch and touch others in a hurry, trying to give ourselves and give pleasure quickly and in a structured way without listening to the real need of the present moment.
  • What would happen if we put aside all we have learned giving and receiving and open ourselves to the magic of a journey into the unknown? What would it be like to touch and be touched by the hands of God?
  • With this ritual we experience the magic of touch without intention opening us not only to pleasure but to the mystery of giving and receiving a much larger gift.

Kamasutra massage for single and partnerships

  • Body perception, active and quiet meditations help to let go of everyday life, and joining with oneself and one partner in the group of like-minded men.
  • Sequences of touch and massage brings you in contact and build up an intimate gathering. The whole body will be touched: chest, abdomen, legs, head, hands and feet, including genitals, anus and testicles.
  • Section by section various love positions flow into the massage, to which the Kamasutra – Kama the love and Sutra the teaching – instructs and inspires.
  • Exercises and movement sequences from yoga increase the mobility, flexibility and the ability to love of your body. Silence, meditation, conversations and sharing round off the workshop and provide ideas how the experiences can be cultivated and intensified in the daily routine and allow what is happening to us in the present moment and to express it, to let go of our fears, limiting beliefs and finally to access the truth of our essence
Unlock a new level of pleasure with a gay tantric workshop (image supplied)

Detailed itinerary

Day 1: Arrival to Guapo Finca

  • 1:00pm Mediterranean cuisine welcome lunch
  • 5:00pm Tantra workshop 1
  • 8:00pm Welcome Dinner

Day 2

  • 7:45am Morning meditation and sun salutation yoga in front of the beach
  • 8:30am Delightful and healthy organic breakfast
  • 11:00am Fitness session 1
  • 5:00pm Tantra workshop 2

Day 3

  • 7:45am Morning meditation and sun salutation yoga in front of the beach
  • 8:30am Delightful and healthy organic breakfast
  • 11:00am Fitness session 2
  • 5:00pm Tantra workshop 3

Day 4

  • 7:45am Morning meditation and sun salutation yoga in front of the beach
  • 8:30am Delightful and healthy organic breakfast
  • 11:00am Fitness session 3
  • 12:00 pm / 1:00 pm / 2:00 pm / 3:00pm Massage
  • 5:00pm Tantra workshop 4
  • 8:00pm Farewell Dinner

Day 5: Return

  • 7:45am Morning meditation and sun salutation yoga in front of the beach
  • 8:30am Delightful and healthy organic breakfast
  • Private transfer to the airport
Unlock a new level of pleasure with a gay tantric workshop (image supplied)

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