Gavin Hay is the man behind gay porn studios Alphamales, and Eurocreme, as well as post-production agency Cherry Cherry. When he was in front of the camera, he went by the name of Trojan Rock.
I caught up with Gavin to talk about whether being called Daddy is something that we should be embracing.
How old were you when you first had sex with a guy?
Well, as I remember I had a car then. An electric blue Ford Cortina, so I must have been 17.
What was it like?
It was a beauty — and the guy was pretty damn hot. We weren’t gay. We would drop off our girlfriends after a night out and head for Margate Seafront car park. We’d ask each other if our respective girlfriends did ‘this’ or ‘that’ to us, and if it felt the same. There was probably no kissing.
Remember, in those days we had only John Inman and Larry Grayson as role models, so we had no idea. We weren’t hosting the Generation Game, nor were we working in a department store. Seriously — I had no idea.
I was physically sick the first time I kissed my best friend. I was petrified at the level of excitement I felt. I thought I must be a bad person. Depraved. My head swirled. We didn’t know anything about being homosexual, beyond that it was wrong.
How did you learn about sex with guys?
A hell of a lot of secret liaisons. A lot of — ‘I’m not really gay, I’m just experimental…’
When you made the move into porn, were you confident that you would be able to have sex on camera?
Oddly, I was. I was 40. It was a strange move for a guy who’d spent his thirties wearing V-neck jumpers and corduroy trousers.
In terms of the sex that we see in gay porn, how authentic is that?
What is authentic sex? Sex on camera is nothing like the sex I have with my husband. It is authentic, in that it is sex — you can’t get away from that. Is it satisfying and fulfilling? It would depend on the day, the co-star, the direction, the costume, my mood.
It’s nowhere near my reality nowadays, but while I was having casual sex on a daily basis, yes, it mirrored my reality. But I’m a monogamous guy — I was pretending to be someone else.
In your experience, what type of guys are best in bed?
In my persona as Trojan Rock, it’s all about the perfect cock, the perfect abs, the perfect pecs. To be able to say — ‘I had that… I was good enough for him… He got off on me…’
But nothing beats my husband’s eyes — it’s all about our chemistry, it’s about our love and respect for each other. It’s about trust.
As we get older, it’s easy for gay guys to start to feel a bit invisible — we start to feel that we’re too old for the clubs, too old for the apps, too old to be seen as desirable. What advice would you give to older gay guys to help boost their confidence?
I have mates older than me — in their 60s — who are so uncontrollable and still out there having daily encounters. Still good-looking, in a more mature way.
You know, that’s just not for me nowadays. It isn’t all about clubs and hunting. Done that, been there. For me, I’m happy and content to be finding out what it’s like to share life-experiences with a soul-mate.
For those still searching for sex, or a partner, I’d say just go out and get on with it. Have fun.
As an older gay guy, is being called “Daddy” a compliment?
This is the biggest debate amongst my friends of a certain age. For me, being called a Daddy is about attitude. For others, it relates to age. I’d imagine that if you’re a bottom, the idea of being called Daddy might just freak you out.
Whatever age you are, sex can be a bit scary, it’s when we’re at our most vulnerable. Do you still get a bit nervous or apprehensive before sex?
Actually, sort of. Even though for the past six years I’ve only had sex with my husband, I do sometimes start to get a bit nervous about being the stud he thinks he married, or wants me to be. He’s 14 years younger than me.
I’m getting older and, let’s be honest, fatter. However, I do relax — in the knowledge that ultimately we are what each other wants. It isn’t about body perfection, it’s about pleasure.
What makes a guy sexy?
Knowing what he wants. Also, good thighs, a strong back, and a bubble butt.
We want to hear your opinion
Meet the vegan body-builder
Alexander Kosztowny is building mass without harm.
I caught up with aspiring bodybuilder Alexander Kosztowny to talk fitness, food, and life as a vegan body-builder.
Were you into sports at school?
No. Growing up, I was a heavy-set kid, and not very active at all. In school, I was very academic, and focused mainly on my studies rather than athletics. I didn’t dread gym class, and always worked hard and enjoyed certain sports like tennis and volleyball, but the lack of variety of activities in gym class limited my view on the variety of types of activities out there. If I’d tried a weight lifting class, or yoga, or karate, my attitude may have changed earlier in life. My sister was always active, but I come from a family who are not very big on physical activity or sports. Of course, like most, I wish I’d started earlier, but better late than never.
Can you remember what your first experience of a gym was?
I lost a lot of weight in high school with the onset of puberty, and with the gaining knowledge of nutrition, portion control, and cardiovascular activity. When I went to college, I found myself putting a lot of the weight back on, and knew I had to prevent that. I joined a gym, and hired a personal trainer for the first time to help me get back on track.
I absolutely fell in love with pumping iron. I was able to coordinate working out into being a part of my schedule, as opposed to limiting it only to ‘when I have time’ and having a trainer not only motivated me and taught me technique, but also kept me accountable for my actions. He helped me with adding strength while paying attention to form, and meal planning, The excess weight fell off, and I became addicted.
Now I’m in the gym every day, pushing my body and transforming both my health, my appearance, and my outlook.
When did you decide to get serious about your fitness and bodybuilding?
About four years ago. But I’ve only been super-serious for about a year, and I’ve only been extremely strict in terms of diet for about six months. I’m still a beginner.
What’s your aspiration as a bodybuilder?
To get huge. That’s it.
As someone who’s plant-based, I’d also like to show others what’s possible on a non-traditional diet. That there are other forms of nutrition and protein, and you can build muscle, look great, and have tons of energy without harm.
What’s the difference between your body as it is now and the way that you want your body to look?
I’d still call my self thick or chubby-muscular. The interesting thing about bodybuilding is that there never really is an end goal. You just lift and grow bigger and you’re never quite big or strong enough. I’m just trying to push myself as far as I possibly can. It’s exciting to see the changes you can make that way.
What’s your work-out regime like?
I’m in the gym six or seven times a week. This seems excessive to some people, and I know others who only go three or four times a week, and that works for them. For me, the gym is therapeutic and a stress reliever, as well as a hobby.
I usually spend about one hour doing weight lifting — machines and free weights — and then I wrap up with about 35 minutes of cardio. I focus on one body part per day. It’s a traditional bodybuilding split, so muscles have a chance to rest. This routine works for me — I know some people have luck doing high-intensity, full body workouts, but I like the focus of working each muscle group in isolation.
Do you have a work-out buddy?
Not currently, but I’ve always enjoyed it when I do. It really is vital for really heavy spotting, and the dependability is nice if they’re as motivated as you. If anyone is in Los Angeles and wants to train with me, hit me up!
How important is controlling your diet?
Controlling diet is extremely important. It makes or breaks your progress in the gym. if you lift but don’t eat right, you won’t get anywhere. I’ve seen this happen both for myself and others. When I finally got on the right meal plan, the results happened in no time at all — abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym.
I eat about five times a day, and I’m plant-based, just like Tom Brady. My diet consists of lots of legumes, lentils, tofu, peas, broccoli, peanut butter, protein shakes, and other natural, nutrient-rich foods that contain protein without resorting to animal products.
Besides the ethical and environmental sides of going vegan, I find I have more energy, need less time to recover, and am less sore, as well as having clearer skin. I count my macros — calories, carbs, proteins, and fats — and eat the same foods every day to stay on track. I’ve pretty much eliminated bread, gluten, alcohol, refined sugars, and beverages besides water from my diet, except for special occasions. I’m super-strict, but do let myself enjoy food.
Are your friends and family supportive of your bodybuilding aspirations?
For the most part. They’re always impressed at my progress and dedication, but I need a lot of willpower when I have a family who loves to cook, bake, and tempt me with treats. That’s why having a partner or workout buddy who is on a similar plan is helpful, if you’re lucky enough to find one. It keeps you on track.
Are you competing?
Nope, and no plans to either. But that may change as I grow bigger.
What are some of your priorities for the months ahead?
I’m currently in the best shape I’ve ever been in, so I want to just keep on progressing. It’s a slow process, and takes a lot of time, so you have to be patient.
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