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Are you dating a loser? (image sourced from stock photo library) Are you dating a loser? (image sourced from stock photo library)

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Are you dating a loser?

Are you dating a loser? (image sourced from stock photo library)

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Have you ever wondered if you’re dating a loser? Daily, people ask me why their love life isn’t working. Upon careful examination, the number one reason why people’s love lives don’t work is because they don’t know how to pick the right type of partner for them.

Living in big cities presents us with many options and this makes it more complicated. There are many types of men available, but few will actually go anywhere and even fewer of these will turn into a proper relationship. Don’t give up hope though! There are tricks you can use to figure out if you should keep on investing in your relationship or move on.

This article will help you uncover the most common losers in the dating pool. After all, your time and money matters, don’t waste it on someone who can’t give you what you want.

Six Common Types of Losers

The Fixer Upper:

This is the type of man whose situation leaves much to be desired. He’s addicted, depressed, or just plain too neurotic to make a relationship work. He may not be over his past relationship and is therefore unable to make a new meaningful connection. He lacks the self-awareness and strength to do something about his own problems. He usually has lots of excuses and blames others for why he hasn’t accomplished more in his life.

The short of it, he lacks the maturity to accept that he needs to do something about his own issues before he can be the sort of lover that people will find attractive.

You know you’re dating one of these if you find yourself always in the position where you need to rescue them or fix their problems! Sex with these types of people tends to be very poor as they’re too afraid to let go and they usually are very selfish in a non-sexy way too. If you’re going to have sex, I believe it is important to have great sex!

The Directionless

This type of man can’t find his way out of a wet paper bag, let alone actually know what he wants in life or in a relationship. They will often give vague answers about what they want or are ready for. They send mixed signals and will often leave you in a position where you feel you’re carrying the weight of the relationship.

Signs to watch out for — no ambition, low motivation, not being able to order something off a menu, not being able to make a decision, too afraid about making a mistake, seems to not be at a place that you would expect a person to be at their age. If you see any of these signs in your relationship, be careful!

The Broke Guy

Now, I know that there are hard times in all of our lives. I’m not expecting everyone to be a millionaire either. However, if a man is actually ready to date, he should be able to buy you a drink and take you out for a date without you having to foot the bill. Many men will be short on change and yes, this does make a difference. Especially as we get older and want to do things with a partner or boyfriend — travel, go out and have fun. All of these things usually involve money and trust me, the amount of couples I have seen have an argument in my office over money.

You can’t convince me that money doesn’t play a factor in a person attractiveness or lack of. None of us know how long we have to live so my advice is to move on and find a man who can afford to take you on a date.

The Player

This is the man who will never commit to anything but his own agenda because of his fears of intimacy and being controlled. They are often very attractive, advertise themselves as being “independent” or “sorted”. Though these sound like excellent qualities they’re also warning signs at times.

Take my advice, ask them about their longest relationship and why it ended. These types of men usually have an ideal relationship they have yet to experience or will lament about a lost love and compare you to them, they are in the pursuit of the impossible. My advice is to move on, however I will add that this type of men are also usually skilled in the bedroom. So depending on what you are seeking, a player may just do the trick.

The Insecure guy

This man lacks the skills to pay the bills. He doesn’t have the confidence to come across as sexy, or confident. He feels insecure about his body or what other people think about him or what he said. They’re also very anxious generally and will develop close relationships very quickly because they’re usually afraid that they won’t get another opportunity. These men can be very devoted to a relationship, but their devotion will come across as a deep sense of dependence and this is also very controlling at times.

You’ll know you are involved with one of these men if they spend lots of time in the gym, looking at themselves in the mirror or are often fishing for compliments. They will also be usually lacking in boundaries and this will come across as desperate at times. My advice, stay away from this type of men because they don’t have the ability to love themselves yet. They won’t know what to do with the love you may want to give them.

The Hopeless Romantic

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This man is rarer these days, but they do still exist. This is the sort of man that will pursues a fantasy and then leaves once he catches on that life itself is not a fantasy. These men tend to have very short-lived relationships where they will say all the right things and do all the right things. Yet, ironically, despite all of this, they’re still single and haven’t managed to hang onto a man. This is because they’re more invested in trying to make a relationship perfect than actually having a relationship and engaging with the person in a real way.

You’ll know you are involved with one of these men if they can’t have constructive arguments or speak about tense emotions. They tend to be conflict avoidant and will also have a penchant for Disney or Hollywood romantic comedies. These men will often be poorly skilled lovers in the bedroom, because they lack the ability to speak about serious issues — hygiene, problems with sex, or boundaries — because they’re in pursuit of an ideal that does not exist, except in movies.

These six types of losers are going to waste your time and money. My advice is to watch out for these signs and weigh up your options. A measure of a man is his ability to deal with serious issues. Remember, men can handle problems, little boys run away. Find the men that are available and interested in you, you’ll have better conversations, go further in your relationships, and the sex will be better too!

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Visit Justin’s website to learn more about his services or follow him on his professional Facebook page. If you have any questions that you would like Justin to answer or topics that you want him to write about Tweet him or email him at: [email protected] (Please note that the identity of those asking any questions will always be kept confidential).

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Arts & Culture

Giving a voice to gay Arab men

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Samer Bo (image supplied)
Samer Bo (image supplied)

I caught up with author Samer Bo to talk about writing erotic gay fiction in Egypt.

What led you to start writing erotic gay fiction?

I was forgetting what was happening. I noticed that when someone asked me about what happened to me the previous week, I couldn’t remember the details.

I think forgetting was my defence-mechanism for all the pain and trouble.

So, I started by writing my diaries, which ended to be quite erotic sometimes. Then that moved to erotic fiction.

Where do you draw inspiration from for your stories?

Inspiration comes from my personal experiences and sometimes my friends’ experiences. Other times, I just meet a guy or watch a movie, and it inspires me to write a story.

Who are your target audience?

I write for myself before anyone else. I’d love all gay men to read and get aroused by my stories.

But I guess I do write for minorities — people who don’t usually get represented in media, porn, or erotic stories. I want people to see themselves represented in my novels.

What sort of feedback do you get from your readers?

I get a lot of positive feedback from people in the Middle East who finally find a voice speaking to them. Some see me as a role model — a type of Egyptian guy that they never see in the media.

Do your friends and family know that you write erotic gay fiction?

Only some close friends know. I’m not in touch with my family anyway. Samer is my real name, but I changed my last name to Bo.

Have you had any negative reactions to the gay erotic fiction that you write?

I only tell people about my writing if I know that they’re either gay or gay friendly. So I haven’t had negative reactions in that respect.

However, I have had multiple incidents of homophobia. I was arrested once.

Son of the President isn’t an erotic story, how did that story come to you?

That story is based on the real-life story of an older friend that I met a few years ago. I told him about my erotic stories, and he asked me to write an erotic story inspired by his experiences.

However, I felt that if I wrote it as erotica, it would take away from the essence of the story. So I left it as non-erotic story.

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What do you hope that people feel when reading your stories?

First of all, aroused from my erotic stories. Plus, I want people to feel represented.

Gay Arabs are not represented in any kind of media. We’re being suppressed and discriminated against. A lot of gay men in the Middle East feel that being gay is wrong, and that homosexuality is a sin.

This is my small way to help those men feel better about themselves.

What are some of your goals and ambitions for the remainder of 2018?

More stories, maybe some non-erotic ones. I’m also helping a friend of mine to change his non-erotic short story into a play.

Read the novels by Samer Bo

Follow Samer Bo on Twitter

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