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21 Things

Photo by Moon on Unsplash



How is your love life going? Having difficulty finding who you want or knowing what you need? Does it feel like your love life is likened to the expression “Same shit, different day”? If so, this article will help you to save time, money and heartache. I will give you my insider expert tips for finding the perfect partner or shag.

Emotional Baggage

Say that you wanted to go on holiday. Would you just open your suitcase and start throwing any old things you think you wanted to wear in it and then pop off to the airport? Of course you wouldn’t, so why should you take the same approach to finding a relationship or great sex?

The truth is that most of the people I coach on their dating and sex lives use a very common, but very poor approach. They don’t know what they are looking for, grab an opportunity to go on a date or to shag and then wonder why their sex lives suffer or their love lives are never what they dreamed.

Knowing the destination or the objective is half of the problem. When planning for a holiday you think about the weather, you look for things to do and you plan how much you may spend. In short, you have a very clear idea of the expectations that you hold and prepare on how to make these things happen.

My advice is to use the same approach for preparing for a holiday for finding a relationship or great sex. This approach has worked for me and it has helped hundreds of my clients find more enjoyable dates, hotter sex and meaningful relationships.

If any of that sounds good, I strongly suggest you do the following exercise:

21 Things

I am an elder millennial, meaning that I listened to Alais Morissette in the 90s and wore plaid. The inspiration for this exercise came from one of her songs off of the album Under Rug Swept — a great album, by the way — I loved the lyrics of the song and it gave me inspiration for this exercise which I have used since 2002. It works, and it if you take the time to do it, it will save you time, money and emotional pain.

The Rules

The rules are simple, make a list of 21 things that you want in a lover or a partner and then go over them with a close friend. This friend needs to be honest, their job is to make sure that you don’t ask for the moon on a stick. Listen to their feedback and take their suggestions on board. Make sure you don’t ask a friend who is just as lost when it comes to relationships and sex as you are, you don’t want bad advice. I find it very rare when I do this exercise with my clients that they end up asking or looking for too much. What I normally find is that they are looking for the basics that you would expect in a decent person or a good sex.

Now What?

Now you have a realistic list of what you are looking for. This list is to now serve as your basic standard for your romantic and sex life. Think of it as a filter that will help you to make better decisions. If a potential suiter comes your way, you need to measure them up against this list. Ask questions, they should have answers, find out what you need to know to see how many they get out of 21. If they are very short of your total list, then you can’t expect to be wowed with their sex skills or surprised when they don’t turn out to be the boyfriend you are looking for.


Your time, money and feelings matter, don’t waste them on someone who will go nowhere, or a dead lay. Make sure you use your “21 Things” list as a standard, it will act as a filter and narrow down your options to those you really want to look into. From now on, your dates, and Grindr shags should meet the standards of the “21 Things” list. Remember that having someone meet these standards does not mean that they will always be a good lay or prince charming, but it will help to greatly reduce the likelihood that you will be wasting your time, resources or getting your heart broken. Finally, please remember that we accept the type of love we believe we deserve.

Visit Justin’s website to learn more about his services or follow him on Twitter or visit his professional Facebook page. If you have any questions that you would like Justin to answer or topics that you want him to write about Tweet him or email him at: [email protected] (Please note that the identity of those asking any questions will always be kept confidential).

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Blowjobs in Berlin



Image sourced from photo library
Image sourced from photo library

Want to know how to give the best blowjob of your life? Michael Soze of Boner Magazine has put together this handy guide.

Why is it called a blowjob?
The name itself isn’t particularly accurate. Nothing is blown here. The theory is that the term is derived from the slang of English prostitutes — to ‘blow off’ was to drain the steam, to release the pressure from the pipe.

Who invented the blowjob?
The earliest recorded blowjobs have been found on papyrus scrolls from Ancient Egypt. But the blowjob also appears in the records of the ancient civilisations of China and India. It’s a practice that also seems to have been celebrated by Native American tribes. Even today, there are tribes in Papua New Guinea where boys swallow the sperm of an adult as part of their initiation rite. Blowjobs have power.

Who wants a blowjob?
While blowjobs are generally accepted as a fairly normal part of a sexual encounter, studies suggest that 50 percent of straight guys report that they want to receive more oral sex.

Turn-offs or turn-ons?
If you’re guy who’s hooking-up with another guy, it’s a pretty safe assumption that blowjobs will be on the menu.

But not all guys are into the same things, so until you’ve got a bit familiar with each other you might want to play it safe to ensure that some repeat business is an option.

Cleanliness is usually a good starting point. Sure, lots of guys are into sweat and stank, but if you’re expecting a blowjob from a guy you don’t really know then having a shower and ensuring that you’re minty fresh is a sensible move.

Manscaping is something to consider. If you’re a hairy guy, a bit of a pre-blowjob trim might be a good option. Not only will it reduce the amount of stray hairs flying around, but it presents your package in its prime.

Take your time
Depending on the encounter that you’re having, a blowjob maybe all that you’ve got time for. However, if you’re not in a rush, taking your time with each other will result in a better blowjob all round and will probably lead to a further exploration of the fun that you can have together.

Practice makes perfect
Here’s some things to think about if you’re wanting to deliver a great blowjob:

  • Make him wait. You know you’re going to give him a blowjob. He knows you’re going to give him a blowjob. But don’t just dive straight in there. Foreplay of any description is all about building the anticipation and expectation. If the first step on the sexual road-map of your encounter is getting your mouth on his cock, gradually work your way towards that. Use your lips and hands to explore his body. Slowly undress him. When you eventually peel down his underwear and his cock springs free he should be so ready for you that he’s begging you to put your mouth to work.
  • Get him wet. Once you’ve got his cock in your hands and your mouth ready to go, don’t think that you’ve got to get his cock into the back of your throat as quickly as possible. Ideally, that’s where you’re heading, but take your time. Use your lips, use your tongue. Work your mouth up and down his shaft — get as much saliva as you can all over every inch of his cock. Keep jacking him while you’re working your mouth on him. Get your tongue into his balls. If he’s got a foreskin then give that as much attention as possible. Get him so turned on that he’s aching to feel your lips wrap around the head of his cock.
  • When you can’t resist any more, let the head of his cock start to slide across your tongue. Try and stay in control of the pace and momentum of the encounter. If you’re doing it right, by this point he’s going to be tempted to just grab hold of your head and throat-fuck you, but if you show him that you know what you’re doing he’ll want to experience everything you’ve got.
  • While you’re taking his cock in your mouth, keep using your hands on him. Jacking his cock while you’re sucking him, alternating your mouth and your hands. Some guys really respond to a bit of a twisting action as you work up and down their cock-shaft. Keep playing with his balls.
  • The general rule with a blowjob is no teeth. The cock is obviously a sensitive part of the body, and teeth are generally a bit of a boner killer. However, if you’re having an encounter that’s a bit more intense then you might not have to worry so much if your teeth are occasionally making contact with his cock.
  • When it comes to blowjobs, saliva is your friend. You need his cock to be spit-slick and as wet as possible. Don’t worry about slobbering all over him, that’s what you’ve got to do. If your mouth is getting dry, it’s handy to keep a bottle of water handy. You can use lubricant if you want, but nothing beats a spit-slick cock.
  • A good blowjob will often lead to rimming, but that’s a whole separate article, so we’re not going to address that here. Except to say that we’re obviously in favour. We love rimming. You also might want to use your fingers on his hole or fucking into him. Some guys really like that while they’re getting their cock sucked, for others it feels a bit like a distraction. Give it a try, the way his body responds will let you know how he feels about it.
  • As the heat between you builds, you’re going to be taking his cock deeper and deeper into your mouth and into your throat. It can take a bit of practice to build confidence and experience to know what it feels like to have a hard cock slamming into your throat. Take your time, do what you feel comfortable with. Breathing through your nose helps. The more you can relax, the deeper you’ll be able to take him. There’s nothing quite so blissful as feeling his balls slapping against your chin or nose as he slams his hard cock into the back of your throat. This is where you both lose yourself in the intensity of the moment — all he can think about is fucking your throat, and all you can think about is servicing his cock.

When you lose yourself in the pleasure of giving an awesome blowjob, it’s fairly likely that from time to time his cock will slam so deep into your throat that you’ll gag a bit. It’s no big deal, don’t panic, just slow down the pace a little, re-focus, and get back to work.

Nipple play
It’s not always easy to multi-task while you’re focused on giving a great blow-job. If you’ve got a spare hand, give his nipples some attention. Twisting them hard is a great way to intensify what he’s feeling.

Eye contact
Giving a blowjob is one of the most intimate things you can do with a guy. It’s really important that you’re totally present in the experience. You don’t need to have constant eye-contact, that would probably raise some red flags, but looking him in the eye while you’re sucking his cock is a real turn-on and demonstrates the sexual connection you have with him.

Don’t speak
Leave the bad dialogue to vintage porn. Your mouth should be too busy to say anything, and all you want to hear from him are grunts of pleasure.

Special tricks
These are a bit superfluous if you’re giving a blowjob to a guy on a one-off random hook-up, but if you’ve got repeat business and you want to mix things up a bit then here’s a few tricks you can try:

  • Warm your mouth with warm water, this gives him a different sensation.
  • Heat up half a grapefruit. Squeeze it and cut off the end — you’re effectively making a grapefruit flesh-jack. Push his cock through it and jack him with the grapefruit while you’re also sucking him.
  • Suck on a mint and then lick his cock-head. It will give him an intense tingling sensation.
  • Play with your food. Whipped cream, chocolate sauce, or honey can all be good fun.

Spit or swallow?

  • Obviously, your encounter may not end with the blowjob, so how you enjoy each other’s cum could be a question at a different stage in proceedings.
  • There are some studies that suggest that 90 percent of guys don’t swallow — that they prefer the cum to spray over their chest or their face. That number seems high to me, so we might need to do some more research on that.
  • Sure, it may not taste exactly like pineapple juice, but feeling a guy’s cum pumping down your throat is pretty satisfying and a great testament to your blowjob skills.
Image sourced from photo library
Image sourced from photo library

Republished courtesy of Boner Magazine

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